January 7, 2013

5 Reasons We Don’t Need A New Star Wars

My first Star Wars film was shown to me when I was nine years old. I popped my VHS tape into the cassette player and watched the yellow, bolded text of “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” soar across my TV screen. It was as new an experience to me as was sports and theater, and my mind was completely enthralled in its lore.

Soon enough I was swinging invisible light sabers at nothing and staring at my dog for hours in hope that I could convince him to go fetch the ball. My imagination as a child was ruled by this space opera fantasy, and my teenage years would be no different. Star Wars was the gateway trilogy for my experience with all other trilogies of that time period: The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, etc. However as my taste in Star Wars and Sci-Fi matured with my intelligence, I began to notice that my childhood fantasy movies weren’t all that they seemed.

They were clumsy, messy blocks of dramatic acting thrown completely out of context with awesome light saber duels and exploding flying ships. Essentially, this was the life’s blood of the Star Wars series. I know it isn’t just a hate for Star Wars in general, because I absolutely love the original trilogy from the seventies. But to make you understand, I’ve compiled this list of reasons that we don’t need another Star Wars film.

5. Because George Lucas is retired.

Face it: The original director often always has the best interpretation of how their films should go. While this opinion is entirely biased in light of movies like Twilight and Harry Potter, I’d like to squash all opposition of that notion.

Those movies suck.

It’s really not difficult at all to read a book and translate its themes and motifs into a two and a half hour long movie for teenage audiences to see. Let it go.

4. Artistic Integrity

Much like the 5th reason, I believe that no one has the right to take control of a series that you yourself created with your own imagination. I read countless autobiographies on Lucas’s journey to getting Star Wars created. It truly is worthy of its own movie-He proposed the movie idea to movie studios all across Hollywood and no one would hear the idea. Eventually 20th Century Fox caught wind of it and financed the project. The bestselling sci fi space opera was born in 1977, and with it George Lucas had succeeded in changing an entire generation.

It’s his legacy.

3. Star Wars was best thirty years ago.

Say whatever you want about how CGI and great scripting has translated the current Star Wars generation into a beautiful depiction of Science Fiction and I will laugh in your face. What made the original Star Wars trilogy so appealing was that it was so cheesy.

If you showed those films to the audience of today, after the consistent reboots of Resident Evil and Spiderman, we would assume that the director was on Mushrooms. But at that point of time a ballsy Science Fiction Fantasy was what we NEEDED. What’s happening now? It’s a bit over dramatic and entirely besides the core focus that should be on Jedi and Sith.

2. If I see Jar Jar Binks one more time, OH GOD HELP YOU ALL.

Self-explanatory. It wasn’t a problem when I was a kid because a voice actor who spoke like that was the greatest thing that humanity had ever done with itself. Now, I can hardly make it twenty minutes into The Phantom Menace without punching my TV.

1. Failure as a Star Wars film

With all of these reasons compiled, the number one killer of it all is the fear that a new trilogy might walk even farther away from what made the original so original. Hayden Christianson’s overly dramatic acting and Natalie Portman’s performance, topped with bad script writing and the fact that they killed Darth Maul in the first film (UHM, WHAT!?!?!?!) gives me little hope that another Star Wars film is worth watching.

Of course, I could be wrong! Let me know what you think in the comments.

Image Credit: Lucasfilm

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