February 4, 2013

All Hail The Super Stroller

Hey, remember when your children were infants? Did you spend their entire infanthood wheeling them around in a baby stroller? Were you and your spouse the ones who carted that stroller around while your little precious baby was dreaming away with that imagination of theirs? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you, my dear friend, are a terrible parent.

Don’t worry, though. If you are a new parent and your child is still in its goo-goo gaa-gaa stage, there is still time for you. Don’t wait until your child can walk to fix your dire mistake! By then it maybe too late! Don’t be one of the legions of parents who wheel their babies around in those bat-mobile carriages. You see, you are already teaching your child to be like everybody else, blend in and, most importantly, become a follower.

You don’t want your child to be a follower, do you? I thought not.

So how do you get your child to be an original? How do teach your child to stand out at such a young age? And, most importantly, how do you make yourself not look like a total idiot pushing that stroller, but still be cool at the same time?

The answer is to take a page from British plumber Colin Furze’s book. When this 33-year old found out he was going to be someone’s baby-daddy, he came to this crossroad as well. He was not going to experience the testosterone-stealing effect of the baby stroller cramping his style. He wasn’t going to let his infant become a follower. He made it his mission to wheel his baby around like a man (and like a boss).

So what did he do?

He built a ten horsepower, twin exhaust, steel reinforced super stroller with the ability to achieve highway speeds. As a matter of fact, this super stroller has achieved the world record for the fastest baby buggy.

What’s more is that Furze built a platform for the driver of said super stroller in order to help them steer during moments of high-speed awesomeness.

You may laugh now, but wait until you reach a hill and find yourself in the middle of a calf-busting battle with gravity with your child on the line. The trailblazers will be zipping past you and going leaps and bounds beyond you into the sunset and the happily ever after. All the while, you are having your uphill battle (see what I did there?).

It’s 2013, people. This year, we need to progress further than we ever have before. In my opinion, if you are not shooting for world records every morning, then I don’t know what you are doing with yourself. I don’t care if your goal is to throw the most Cheerios across a room, just do it!

But in all seriousness, Colin Furze does not use this stroller to wheel his kid around (as far as the media knows) and is probably trying to sell his little invention on eBay.

On second thought, maybe you might have better luck teaching your kid leadership values when they get a little older with a heart-to-heart conversation.

But the super stroller would be cooler, don’t lie.

Image Credit: Colin Furze

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