Anti-Bloomberg Bill Ensures The South Will Physically Never Be Able To Rise Again
March 22, 2013

Anti-Bloomberg Bill Ensures The South Will Physically Never Be Able To Rise Again

The fattest state in the country has wrapped their meaty paws around their two liter soda jugs and are sending the mayor of New York a message: you can take my soda when you pry it from our cold, dead fingers.

Last year, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced a proposed ban on sodas in cups larger than 20 ounces in food service establishments. The ban was set to go into effect last week when, at the last minute, a judge stepped in and declared the “arbitrary and capricious” ban invalid.

This week, the state of Mississippi has taken the thoroughly mature approach to a bill that did not effect them by passing what they’ve called the “Anti-Bloomberg” bill.

Thanks to Governor Phil Bryant, Mississippians will also have access to gut-bustingly large containers of sugared water. Under the Anti-Bloomberg law, no city, county or district in MS will be able to enforce a law that restricts any portion size. It’s not just sugary soda that the government will be told to leave alone as a part of this bill. Establishments can now put in as much salt in their gravy and as much shortening in their cookies as they please.

Explaining the decision, Gov. Bryant said: “It simply is not the role of the government to micro-regulate citizens’ dietary decisions.”

“The responsibility for one’s personal health depends on individual choices about a proper diet and appropriate exercise.”

The people of Mississippi clearly know a thing or two about personal health and regulation. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, (CDC) nearly 35 percent of all adults living in the Magnolia state are considered obese. Not overweight…obese.

Gov. Bryant tried to address this issue by saying that Mississippi’s children are slimming down, noting that childhood obesity has dropped 13 percent from 2005 to 2011.

While any reduction in childhood obesity is a good thing, the CDC numbers only count adults.

Would it surprise you to know that a food establishment-owning senator drafted this bill?

“We believe there’s enough regulation,” said Senator Tony Smith, according to

“If the market demands that I serve a more healthy food, I’ll do that to meet to the market demand,” said Smith.

“But … why should I risk my capital, my hard work, my efforts that I’ve put in to build a restaurant on the thinking of what a government official thinks?”

If you imagined Smith muttering that statement in-between bites of fried chicken and slurping a gallon of southern sweet tea, you wouldn’t have been the only one.

Mississippi is free to do what they want, but it is curious that they chose to even address this issue, much less go out of their way to put their own law into effect.

This tastes of nothing but some good, old-fashioned PR to me, a move to make those nanny-state-opposing Mississippians proud to have voted their elected officials into office.

Yet, I can’t help but wonder if this little publicity stunt will come bite them in the chunky rear one day.

I also give the entire state of Mississippi until the weekend to come up with some clever stunt to celebrate this ridiculous bill.

I’m thinking a contest to see who can drink themselves out of a dunking tank filled with Royal Cola; first one to do so gets a lifetime supply of Moon-pies.

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