January 30, 2013

Are You Having As Much Sex As Everyone Else?

A new survey is released on sexual norms. Are you just average, or are you a beast in the bed? Find out where you stand.

Let me preface this like I always do when writing about sex; it’s for married couples. Don’t be on the next season of MTV’s Teen Mom. Also, for God’s sake, protect yourself. I know crabs are on the decline, but that’s irrelevant when talking about STD’s.

Now for the good stuff.

Do you do it once a week? Once a month? Never?

Researchers compiled data from the responses to an online survey of almost 100,000 people from around the world, including 23,000 in the USA.  Those surveyed were above 18 and in relationships, both hetero and homosexual. The questions were all about the ever-popular topic: sex. There were also some relationship questions, but that was probably just to make the whole deal not seem so crude.

Everybody really wants to know about the sex.

Their findings will be published in a new book called The Normal Bar, which comes out Feb. 5.

According to USA Today’s report of the findings, 7.5 percent report having sex daily. Forty percent say they do it three to four times a week, 27 percent do it a few times a month, and eight percent do it only once a month. While I’m not sure exactly what “rarely” means numerically, 13 percent do it rarely, and only 4.5 percent never have sex.

Normally, when blogging I report something I read and then apply my own experience to it. If I did that this time, I’d quickly end up in the 4.5 percent category, so I’ll get back to the facts and keep from pissing off my wife.

Romance seems to be something that is only native to the beginning of a relationship. You really want to impress your newfound lover, so you shower them with affection, gifts, and passionate sex, but somewhere along the line life gets in the way.

Co-author of The Normal Bar, Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington in Seattle says it seems that many couples are “somewhat romance starved.”

“In the USA, the survey found that of 1,218 respondents answering a question about romance, almost 29% of women and 44% of men say it bothers them “a lot” that their partner is not more romantic.”

Schwartz explains, “We make a big deal of Valentine’s Day because I think people are doing catch-up. If you look at the happiest couples, they do have date nights. They hold hands. They do PDAs (public displays of affection). That whole package of romance that some couples preserve — that shows how important it is.”

In America, 44 percent report that they “hardly ever” or “never” go out on a date. Between kids, jobs, school, and everything else that life throws our way, somehow the dates are the first thing to go. Americans are still doing better than Italians at 53 percent, English at 54 and French at 55, which is quite a surprise coming from the people who speak the language of love.

A friend of mine jokingly told me there’s a mathematical algorithm that can tell you how much sex you should be having. Unfortunately, I don’t remember it and he’s not answering his phone, but I’ll try and share it in my next sexually-driven blog.

Take your partner out on dates. Kiss them even when you’re not looking for sex. “Those who kiss for affection rather than as part of a sexual act report being more sexually satisfied.” Chances are if you try harder, they will too.

Image Credit: Lilya Espinosa / Shutterstock

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