November 29, 2012

Baby #Jameson

This next story is complete hearsay.

However, it’s also so ridiculous that it’s worth discussing as something more than hypothetical. posted a screenshot earlier this week of a Facebook wall post proclaiming the birth of an adorable baby girl.

The accompanying caption reads, “Hashtag Jameson was born at 10 oclock last nite. She weys 8pounds and i luv her so much!!!!!!”

Just in case you got lost in the misspellings of “night” and “weighs,” I’ll point out the first error.

The child’s name is “Hashtag.”

You know, as it #TeenageMom or #ThisIsRidiculous or #ItsSpelledWeighs.

The pound symbol, once most widely employed by banks and other financial institutions, has now become synonymous with Twitter. The Hashtag, as it’s now known, can be seen anywhere and is used to either tag a Tweet with a particular topic or act as a sort of punchline to the rest of the embedded joke.

It’s easy to want to give Mother Jameson some credit here and suggest that perhaps she was dictating this message to her iPhone and Siri simply spelled out “Hashtag” rather than use the “#” symbol.

This theory is quickly knocked down.

First, Siri may not always change “Hashtag” to the appropriate symbol, but she sure as hell knows how to spell “Weigh.”

It would also be quite labor intensive (pardon the pun) to speak “Exclamation point” 6 times in order to end this exclamation in the parlance with today’s obsessiveeeeeeeee youth cultureeeeeee.

No, this mistake can’t be blamed on Siri or any other voice dictation service.

Secondly, the first comment on this Facebook picture also insinuates that naming this child after a social media reference was quite literal.

Again, all misspellings and grammatical errors have been left in tact to preserve the absurdity of the moment:

“Aww babes you finnally had youre Tweetybird xxx”

Again, this news hasn’t really been confirmed and as such, exists merely as hearsay, as gossip, as something ridiculous someone had heard someone else had done.

But we can run with it…

I get wanting to name your child something weird, something to stick out, something very unique. After all, we’ve all heard the stories of the children named Orangejello and Lemonjello, right? (Get it, Orange Jello and Lemon Jello?)

But what would you call little miss Hashtag for short? Surely the parents and family will have to resort to using a middle name? That is, of course, unless the socially addicted Mr. and Mrs. Jameson also struggle with some other demons and gave Hashtag the middle name of “Wheresmy.”

There aren’t any good nicknames for Hashtag, are there?

Any play on “Hash” (Hashy, HashHash, Hashish) implies a very strong tie to drug culture. To each their own, but there is something inappropriate about a newborn infant sharing the name of a psychoactive drug or a meaty breakfast staple.

And what about this poor girl’s future? Anytime she meets someone new, she’ll have to explain how she got her name.

“Well, do you remember that stupid Twitter thing old people always talk about? Yeah, my parents were huge fans…”

Which begs the question: If the parents are such fans of Twitter, why was this news posted on Facebook?

(Furthermore, and more nit-pickingly, why are you using Hashtags on Facebook?)

On the other hand, she could count herself among good company. After all, Prince, too, once changed his name to a symbol. Only, his wasn’t really pronounceable. And it was an original idea not owned by a giant corporation. And he’s a talented, adult musician.

Besides those things, yeah, having a symbol for a name could be fun.

Image Credit: Mircea Maties / Shutterstock

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Plusone Digg Reddit Stumbleupon Email