Bigfoot Discovered In Northern Oregon
April 1, 2013

Bigfoot Discovered In Northern Oregon

The following post was part of an April Fools Day prank and should not be taken as “truth.”

Bigfoot research has been an ongoing passion for thousands of people from all walks of life for the better part of the past 40 years. This passion came alive after a short film was taken of an apparent Sasquatch in the northern California woods in 1967 by Roger Patterson. While there has been as much skepticism of the footage as there has been optimism, one thing is for certain, solid evidence of existence of the cryptid has never come.

That is, until now.

Just this past summer, a mycologist working with a renowned upscale university in Washington had gone into the northern Oregon hills to further examine evidence of a new type of mushroom (Agaricus hallucinegenesis). The scientist, who wished to remain anonymous, spent two weeks in Oregon, walking the John Day River in search of the fungus. After about the 15th day, he found what he was looking for – and plenty of it.

The fungus, which has yet to be commonly named, grew in abundance along the eastern shore of the river. The yellowish caps were laced with small red circles outlined in black. Upon closer examination of the delicate ‘shrooms, a foul odor was easily detectable, and a tiny darkish green cloud emanated from the fungi.

The scientist said he plucked up about seven or eight of the spores and wrapped them in a cloth sack. This is when it happened, as he explained. He said he felt a strange presence around him and as he stood to get a look all he saw was a huge dark figure disappearing into the woods about 40 to 50 feet away from him.

“I stood and immediately felt strangely,” he said in an interview with redOrbit. “I turned and all I saw was this dark figure moving quickly into the woods. I raced up the side of the river and reached for my camera that was sitting in my backpack on the bank, but he was too far into the woods to get a clear shot.”

The scientist then raced into the woods after the beast, which at first he was sure was another person, but was shocked to discover a set of huge footprints measuring roughly 17 inches long. He wiped his forehead, which was building up with sweat, and then continued into the woods deeper.

“I climbed up over a pile of rocks that almost seemed like they had been placed there rather than occurring naturally,” he said. “It was after I climbed to the top of the pile that I saw it plain as day. It stood at the edge of this clearing, facing the opposite direction. I lifted the camera and began snapping up shots. However, I didn’t realize the sound of the shutter would be as pronounced in the forest setting and the beast turned and faced me directly.”

He said the sheer terror of facing an ape-like beast all alone in the deep forest caused him to lose his footing and he fell down the rock pile in the direction of the beast, where he believed he lost consciousness.

When he awoke, he said it seemed as if hours had passed as it was nearing nightfall. He gathered his camera, brushed himself off and raced back to the riverside to grab his pack and the mushrooms. After a six-day trek out of the woods he found himself back into civilization.

The scientist said he waited several days before developing the film (he was using a 35 mm roll). At the end of the roll he found the four images that would prove to the world that Bigfoot really does exist. Amazingly, he captured the images in spectacular clarity, better than any other image ever taken of the elusive cryptid. But in the last photo, there was an eerily-placed image that didn’t make sense. The image showed a man holding a sign that read: April Fools!

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