December 6, 2012

Biological Feats In Human Ridiculousness

The human body has a remarkable tendency to allow itself physical harm. That tendency is branched out to all aspects of life-sports, video games, art, and sexy time with your sexy lady.

To all who can maintain a stature of strength and endurance in the face of physical pain, I say Kudos.

The human body is quite remarkable-only three times less remarkable as the gamma radiation resistant cockroach, and barely two times as magnificent as the 21st century house cat. Even the garden variety mountain troll gazes in amazement at the triumph of modern humanity’s height.

Quite the phenomenon of scaling proportions-as some might like to call it. And to the alien inhabitants of that far off distant planet behind Pluto-yet still somehow three trillion light years upward into the galaxy shaped like a large donuts-hardly feasible as a species.

But nevertheless, remarkable.

Optimized for shock therapy and high impact trajectory, durable enough to mold our structure into what ever form we want with the help of plastic surgery, and moist enough to withstand the hottest of climates with the help of a bottle of Ozarka and a lot of prayer. Not to mention we possess the most sophisticated and well designed brains of all the species on our planet.

Yes, even smarter than the unanimously clever dolphins.

We’re pretty awesome.

At least, that’s the way that modern loyalist humans like to view it. The punch line to this ordeal is that we, with all of our infinite wisdom and determination to foresee the impossible into a reachable goal-are only mistakes of the perfect mammals that we can’t seem to stop imagining. Its quite simple, almost too simple a phenomenon to understand on this planet. Our adaptations revolve around the environment we are thrown in-it just so happens that the environment we’re thrown in wasn’t too extreme that we weren’t completely eradicated.

Although many view that observation as dark and sad in many ways, I prefer to think of it as the glorifying of an accident.

And speaking of accidents, how long can you survive with a towel stuck inside your torso? Bonnie Valle lived seven entire years.

I can’t go five minutes with a thumb tac in my foot.

Valle, who complained of chest pains for years, never got the true attention and alert that doctors should have attended.

This kind of biological feat of human endurance isn’t unheard of, however. Eduardo Leite survived an iron bar straight through the skull! The 24 year old was busy during a work shift, when the bar fell dozens of feet from above and broke through his hat-sliding just between his eyes.

Of course, these are only a few of the magnificent survivor stories that exist in the media. Some call them horror myths, I call them biological success stories. I mean how many times have you seen the cast of Jackass-just KNOWING somehow that the next stunt was going to mean eminent and utter death?

Image Credit: Photos.com

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