February 18, 2013
Borderline Personality Disorder
So it turns out while I am going to my new counselor and psychiatrist, they want to diagnose me as BPD. It appears that in my old records it says nothing about me being diagnosed as bipolar. The more I find out about Borderline Personality Disorder, the more I feel like I have found the right diagnosis.
BPD is similar to depression with bipolar, but it is not just mood swings. Symptoms include mood swings, no or low self-worth, intense emotions (you over rationalize everything, unlike “normal” people), violent temper tantrums (like ripping teddy bears heads off, breaking headphone cords on half, throwing stuff when you get mad), suicidal thoughts and/or actions, self-harm, and less in touch with reality at times (feel disconnected to the world). You see your relationships as “bad” or “good” and it can change suddenly.
But do not worry, BPD is treatable and you can overcome it, unlike some other mental illnesses. Treatments such as medications help you to get into recovery; you can later get off them. Medicines such as antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics are commonly used if you do go on medicine. Counseling and therapy are good because they can help you through your process from beginning to end, making sure you are on the right track. Do not forget about having a healthy habit. Get enough sleep, regularly exercise, and avoid alcohol and drugs.
BPD is usually caused from bad childhood experiences dealing with abuse, neglect, or the death of a parent. The chances go up when you have not been taught how to cope with problems and deal with stress or anxiety.
When I was two years old I was taken away from my birth family and put up for adoption because of abuse and neglect. At age seven, my adopted dad killed himself and I suffered from depression. From the time I was two until now (20), I had no idea of how to deal with my problems. In elementary school I threw a chair; in day care I bit a boy on his back till he bleed because he would not move out of my way; it goes on. I was not taught coping skills. I became so stressed out that suicide was sometimes my answer and I self- harmed. I was bullied from 5th grade until just last semester in college.
Yet people thought I was the happiest kid, teenager, adult ever. Until you got to really know me. Now I feel like I have my answer to my big question! I just have to learn to manage and cope with life better; I cannot do this on my own like I always have done.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. It can only get better from here, but I am not promising there won’t be some rough patches. So for your project this time is to really pay attention how you go through your day. Take a few notes if you need. Maybe you did not handle something very well that you could have.
Email me if you ever need anything or comment below. Remember you are not alone!!!
Stay Strong <3
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