February 20, 2013
Chubby Checker Doesn’t Want You Guessing The Size Of His Fats Domino
It’s been said that nearly anything can be used as entendre if one only tries hard enough…or has a truly repulsive brain.
Lucky for you, dear readers, I’m packing both kinds of heat today.
News emerged over the weekend about a lawsuit between an all but forgotten rock and roll icon and a package of software written for a completely forgotten mobile OS. In fact, the entire story smells of a young and ambitious press person trying to cook up the perfect story.
Well, congratulations Peter PR…we’re here.
A few years back, around the dawn of the term “iPhone Killer,” everyone was looking for that next phone, which had been foretold in the prophecies would dethrone the magic “Jesus Phone” and turn all those Apple fans back into sniveling little neck beards.
(Some will argue that this has already happened, but thank heavens we’re not using the “iPhone Killer” moniker anymore.)
The one platform which many expected to give the iPhone OS (as it was known back then) a run for its money was Palm OS.
Palm had been preparing their new killer device — the Palm Pre — and had it kept under such wraps so that almost no one had a chance to fondle one before it burst onto the scene.
The reviews, when they came in, rang a unanimous “meh.”
HP later bought Palm, tried to revive the Palm OS and bring it to a tablet, and then later scrapped the whole thing by 2011.
While Palm OS was a thing, developers could write their own apps for the platform, and some developers even took advantage of this.
One such app that made its home on Palm devices was called “The Chubby Checker.”
And now we’re really getting somewhere.
Any women interested in knowing the size of a man’s Fats Domino could simply enter a man’s shoe size into the app. The Chubby Checker would get to work and spit out a number for the lady’s enjoyment.
Apparently Mr. Checker has only just now heard of this app and is bringing charges against HP for unauthorized use of his name and trademark, seeking a $500,000 charge.
Here’s the twist… (Did you really think I could avoid that one?)
This app — which operates only on a dead platform — hasn’t been available since last September and isn’t even hosted online at the moment, according to a statement from HP.
When it WAS available, it was only downloaded a whopping 84 times.
I’m willing to bet any sum of money that no less than 80 copies of this app were downloaded by lonely drunken frat boys who just happened to own one of these Palm devices, likely on a dare.
Chubby Checker is suing a company for, at one point, hosting an app that had been downloaded no more than 84 times. Had he never brought it up, no one would have ever known about it, leaving his name thereby unmolested.
Yet, here we are, using his name as entendre and missing the promise of the Palm OS.
Bad move, Peter PR. Bad move indeed.
Now, off to ponder what Mr. Checker would have liked to have done with all that money.
He’s clearly not going to win this thing.