December 1, 2012

How To Enjoy Christmas, Even If You Think It Sucks

I am not a fan of the Christmas season, and that may be an understatement. I don’t celebrate the religious belief behind it, although I used to, so that does zero for me. And there are a few other reasons why I don’t particularly like Christmas, but that’s a different story.

I have put together a list of the best way to survive Christmas.

How to enjoy shopping centers even though they are playing Christmas music.

I say this next sentence as a child sex abuse survivor; the way you survive Christmas music in malls and stores, is a lot like getting molested; you have to go to your special place mentally to survive it. Once you have done that, you can only hope you block out the horrific experience of the music, so you don’t have to remember it ever again. If that doesn’t work, think of a song you like and know by heart, and sing it. But just don’t sing it in your head; sing it out loud, really loud. Walk around singing your favorite song and the reaction of those around you should be suffice distraction from the terrible Christmas music. Except for any songs from John Denver and the Muppets Christmas Album, those are okay to listen to since it has Muppets, but that’s the only exception.

How to survive the lines.

Anytime you find yourself in a long line, just keep a creepy smile on your face. Then wearing said smile, lean forward to the person in front of you and say; “they told me I shouldn’t be out in public so soon after my incident, but I’m doing a good job. Since it is Christmas I haven’t even felt the darkness in me anyone.” That person is sure to leave the line or let you go in front of them so they can keep an eye on you. Do this to the next person, then the next, and before you know it; you are next in line. Note; you can also use this technique at amusement parks, but I don’t recommend it for the bank or court.

How to survive church if you have to go.

Take a nap during the service, and then afterwards if anyone comes up to talk to you about Jesus, tell them that you are Jewish. It’s the one answer you can give a Christian, which differs from their belief, where they won’t debate you.

How to survive Christmas day.

This one involves my homemade recipe for Eggnog.

Carter’s Eggnog  Recipe


Bacardi 151


Pour 151 into a large drinking glass, and then chug it.

Once you do this go out to a nightclub and relive the “just say yes” social era of the 80’s; and you’re sure to get yourself into something that will help you burn the memory of Christmas 2012, out of your brain forever.

But really folks, for those who may be in the same boat I am this year; it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy Christmas even if we usually don’t. The key to this is to make it your own. It’s a similar mindset we take on every day when we wake up. We decide how we are going to look at the day ahead, positive or negative, and how we are going to process information that day. If something “bad” happens are we going to let it affect our whole day? Or, are we going to deal with it and still enjoy the positivity that life offers on a daily basis? It’s up to us to decide on what to make with our day, and it’s up to us to decide what Christmas is going to “be” for us.

When you’re stuck in a long line, don’t use that time for negative thoughts that create negative neural pathways. Think of positive things and visualize your goals coming true. And don’t freak out the person in front of you, will maybe do this a couple of times because it’s funny, but use the time in line to break the ice with someone. Or use the time to text someone a nice message you haven’t talked to in a while, or play a game, or download porn; but utilize the time spent standing in line rather than wallowing in its boredom.

Now the Christmas music one, that one was real, follow that advice.

As far as enjoying Christmas day itself, do something new and different. Create a new memory, decide to have a good time and enjoy yourself. If Christmas is a day that “haunts” you or a day where you dwell too much on the past, then you need to create a new tradition on Christmas. This way you can look forward to Christmas every year and build good new memories that will keep you from associating the negative past with the present time.

Each time we go through an experience a neural net of information is created in our brain and stored. This neural net will trigger emotional reactions when reminded of the situation. The brain is programmed based on patterns, so if every Christmas your pattern is to do the same stuff and you feel the emotion of sad; create a new pattern so your brain will create a new neural net of information. Once we break the pattern of the past we can enjoy the present. So in the future you will look forward to Christmas rather than relating it to something sad from the past.

Overall it is up to us to decide our mindset, period. So if you say that you hate Christmas and this year it is going to suck, then this year Christmas for you is going to suck. I for one am looking forward to Christmas. I don’t know what new tradition I’m going to create, but I can’t wait to do it.

Image Credit: Columbia Pictures

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