No Nipples Until You Make My Heart Race
January 30, 2014

No Nipples Until You Make My Heart Race

Raise your hand if you have not done the walk of shame? If you do not know what this is, then you probably have not experienced it. But if you have, you know what it is like to look around you and think, “How did this happen?” Well, now no woman has to find herself walking shamefully after a night out because Ravijour has created a bra with a  “True Love Tester,” as reported on the SF Gate website. Accordingly, this true love bra will only unsnap if the woman is truly in love. Um, what!?!

Wait, how does it know that, you ask? Apparently, the bra has some technology similarly to a Fitbit or something like that that “measures a woman’s heart rate. If she’s sufficiently turned on — or high on cocaine, The Daily Dot points out — the bra will unlatch.” So, a woman’s heart rate starts racing, the bra senses it, and then unhooks. Until the bra senses her true heart’s desire, it will not unlatch. Oh, that’s just peachy!

As the video that accompanied the SF Gate article explains, the technology for this stems from human sexuality specialists in Japan who say that when the heart falls in love, it beats harder and faster as adrenaline releases. The technology in the true love bra measures her heart rate and sends information to an app she downloads to her phone. This app keeps track of the heart rate, and once it reaches a significant amount of beats per minute for a steady amount of time, the bra basically bursts from her breasts, thus revealing her heart’s desire.

Oh goody!

I know. This sounds like a joke, but apparently it is not. As I read this article, all I could think was what if she wanted to take it off herself? Is there a way she can do that or does she have to wear the bra always until her heart rate reaches a certain level? Oh, and what if the technology malfunctions? I mean, nothing is worse than a chastity bra that will not come off. And really, would this keep people from engaging in sexual activity? I highly doubt it.

Did I mention that the bra is also super shiny and glittery and all sexy? Yeah, so is it supposed to keep a girl from engaging in nocturnal (or daytime for that fact) fun, or is it supposed to attract a lover? I mean, the contradictions just flow forth.

It just seems so silly to create a bra that does not unhook unless a woman’s heart rate reaches a certain level. She could do that simply by exercising or as the SF Gate nodded to The Daily Dot’s point, she could just get high on cocaine or some other upper. Or she could just cut it off. I really do not see the point of this piece of clothing.

The chastity belt did not work nor will this true love tester bra for basically the same reason. If people want to have sex, they are going to find a way to do it. Locking up a woman’s erogenous areas is not going to keep people from touching each other. And why not create some sort of magic, locking garment for men’s penises? Why is it always the women who have to suffer through these ridiculous contraptions? If people do not want to have sex, then they should simply take responsibility not to do so. Forget the chastity belt or the true love bra. They will only frustrate you in the long run.

Image Credit: Thinkstock

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Rayshell E. Clapper is an Associate Professor of English at a rural college in Oklahoma where she teaches Creative Writing, Literature, and Composition classes. She has presented her original fiction and non-fiction at several conferences and events including: Scissortail Creative Writing Festival, Howlers and Yawpers Creativity Symposium, Southwest/Texas Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association Regional Conference, and Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association National Conference. Her publications include Cybersoleil Journal, Sugar Mule Literary Magazine, Red Dirt Anthology, Originals, and Oklahoma English Journal. Beyond her written works, she successfully created a writer's group in rural Oklahoma to support burgeoning writers. The written word is her passion, and all she experiences inspires that passion. She hopes to help inspire others through her words.

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