February 8, 2013

Razer: Spawn Of Apple

It is written that in the Garden of Eden the apple was a source of evil, tempted by the snake. While the story can be interpreted differently, I’d like to believe that this is why Razer is so evil. So, to whom it may concern at Razer, get your $h!t together.

First, please fire or suspend the pay of whoever is in charge of the non-existent quality control department. Over the years working in a repair shop I have seen hundreds of your products on my work table almost always showing one of three select problems extending from mice to headphones, and everywhere in between. Most of the problems were outside of our policy protection, so we sent them off; but not before giving each product a thorough look through.

You could start off by actually factoring the life expectancy of a product against the functionality you have set it up to maintain. A fine example of this is with the headphones and speakers, which burn out due to power instability and overloading the drivers. There is a general rule of thumb in construction that holds a lot of weight, “Make it strong enough to withstand the maximum weight with ease”. Honestly, there is no reason why the Razer Orcas should give out after 2 weeks of using them on maximum volume. There is a huge underlying problem within this that will be addressed later.

After all the variables are weighed and a design is chosen, follow through with making it with the quality you claim it has. While I will admit that Razer isn’t the only company to lie about their quality, they do seem to be the widest in lies. It’s a good thing the warranty policy is almost IDENTICAL to Apple, otherwise no one would buy your product after the first try. Take the Onza, for example, which has had known left analog stick problems since it was released and NOTHING has changed. Even with the release of the tournament edition the problem wasn’t addressed! How can you claim it’s superior to a Microsoft controller when Microsoft had the same problem and they actually fixed the bloody issue?

To finally tie a point on this rant, Razer just stop. Stop with the overpriced crap with the quality of Walmart brand merchandise. Stop with buzzwords and gamer “celebrity” endorsements (looking at you Swifty). Stop marketing your junk to anyone looking to get into PC gaming by throwing the word “Gamer” in every ad hoping to entice anyone needing a quick fix. Stop creating an almost sub-genre of crap that we have to sort through to find working mechanical keyboards, audio headphones, and mice. And please stop letting Athene open his mouth if he can’t say anything other than “Pwn3d or N00b”. Lastly, learn to get on top of your PR department. Out of all the phishing schemes out there targeted to “gamers” Razer is both targeted the most and handles them the worst. You should be doing more than a once yearly notice around Christmas on Facebook to ensure your following doesn’t become a victim. In other words, get your $h!t together!

Image Credit: Razer

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