May 10, 2013
Rules Of A One-Night-Stand
Sex is as much an art form as casual dating, but often times you nasty boys and girls forget the rules of engagement for one-night-stands. Men often treat sex like a physical conquest (let’s get her socks off before we fall asleep) than an actual coital communication from one partner to the other. Women often treat sex as a spiritual succession of previous terrible flings. Where can we meet each other in the middle (so to speak) and arrive at a mutual agreement before anyone gets their feelings hurt? Thankfully, someone came up with some rules to go by.
To begin, you need to understand that one-night-stands aren’t for everyone. Let me repeat myself: ONE-NIGHT-STANDS AREN’T FOR EVERYONE. Repeat it to yourself. Let it echo in your mind when you have your nightly cinnamon French toast crunch, brush your teeth to the syllables, and finally let the meaning of these words settle inside your stomach.
Dr. Ava Cadell says, “A one night stand with no-strings-attached can be [a] great way to add excitement and adventure to your single life. As long as you are honest with the person, understand the risks, and follow these rules of casual sex,” meaning that following rules of engagement are important for a nice night:
1.) Wrap it up! – Fellas, stop the excuses about your allergic reaction to latex and rubber; if it’s true, you might want to look into non-rubber/latex condoms. I know, condoms take away the feeling. But there is no worse a situation than an unwanted pregnancy with a stranger whom you barely connect with.
2.) Open your mind and your mouth – Get your head out of the gutter, or get it in there, whatever is best for you! Men and women don’t understand each other because they both speak completely different emotional languages. A bigger penis to her might mean a partner that she feels uncomfortable with. Calling his penis ‘cute’ is just a brutal way to end a night. Likewise, you should really keep an open agenda about your sexual chemistry. Because who knows? You might actually love Monkey Pulls the Turnip!
3.) Make sure it’s not just the alcohol guiding your actions – Let’s be honest, most people you have one-night-stands with often make the wrong decision because of liquid courage or way too many Slippery Nipples. Everyone loves a little spice in their drink, but you gotta be careful; alcohol makes ugly women insanely attractive. It also makes dumb guys very, very cute for women. In other words, know your intentions before you take another sip.
4.) She can’t read your mind – As aforementioned, communication can be a serious problem for two partners when you’ve failed to understand what the other wants. It’s not as simple as reading their mind, but it’s also not as simple as asking them what they want. Sexual chemistry through trial and error is essential to understanding the ins and outs of both the male and female body.
5.) Foreplay is important – Come on. Don’t be lazy. Unless you’re already oiled up; in that case, go nucking futs!
6.) Women need more stimulation than men – This is where the real test of her attraction to you comes into play. Quite frankly, women aren’t as easy as men. Sorry fellas. Cadell regards a number of techniques essential in the process of stimulating her, but I’d like to believe that every woman is different. This means that it’s going to take some real studying of the women’s body in a particularly short amount of time to really hit the bell.
7.) Have zero expectations – Don’t be bummed if it doesn’t go the way you’d like it to be. Getting it wrong every now and then is what makes this such a fun activity. Practice, learn, take notes, and eventually you’ll find that your experience has made you a wonderful partner, whether that means a call or text in the morning or not.
8.) If they sneak out in the morning, remember that this is a one-night-stand – Here, we’re back around the circle to the underlying definition of this night. You both agreed that you would do this for only one night. Often times that means that you’ll be learning a lesson on letting go of something that might have been. Don’t be emotional, unless you really think the partner felt something similar.
But that would be an entirely different story of its own!
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