February 22, 2013
Russian Liberal Democratic Leader Blames Meteorite Strike On Americans
Last Friday morning a meteorite pierced the sky above Russia traveling at 33,000 miles per hour. It hit the atmosphere with as much force as 30 atomic mobs and split into pieces as it traveled faster than the speed of sound. The resulting sonic boom and impact of landing broke windows in the area, injuring more than 1,200 people.
But this was no act of god, according to one Russian politician.
It was a shot across the bow by the Americans who were testing out their weapons capabilities.
“Those aren’t meteorites falling. It’s the Americans trying out a new weapon,” claimed Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Liberal Democratic party of Russia, or LDPR for short.
Zhirinovsky claims the newly appointed Secretary of State John Kerry had even tried to get in touch with Russia’s Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov “all day,” in order to warn him about the upcoming tests to take place that day.
“He was looking for Lavrov, and Lavrov was on a trip,” said Zhirinovsky.
“He meant to warn Lavrov about a provocation against Russia.”
There’s already plenty here to cover, but I should state at the onset that this guy isn’t what you’d call a scientist. By all accounts, he doesn’t appear to be a very nice guy at all.
According to The Independent, a woman threw sour cabbage at him during a press conference, (a la the George Bush shoe throw, I’m sure) all while accusing him of “Ukrainophobia.”
The Daily Mail tells a story about Zhirinovsky from 2006. According to the news source, this politician suggested arming all Russian people in an ongoing war against…wait for it….migratory birds who were believed to be carriers of the avian flu.
His plan, and it’s a doozy, was to tell Russians to keep their eyes to the sky and, when they saw an offending bird, shoot it to the ground, thereby ridding the nation of the avian flu.
As you might expect, whenever something falls from the sky, human beings go into frantic search mode, looking for any piece of debris they can find. This event was no different, and so far scientists claim they’ve found at least 50 pieces of meteorite sprinkled about the region. There’s even a giant hole in a lake, which scientists believe was created by the meteorite. They’ve even sent divers down into the lake to look for extra pieces. Perhaps Zhirinovsky believes it to be an American weapons test because he doesn’t believe that things suspended by lack of gravity could potentially fall and endanger the Earth.
After all, nothing like that has ever happened before, right?
“Nothing will ever fall out there, if something falls, its people doing that,” said Zhirinovsky.
“People are the instigators of wars, the provocateurs.”
I’m sure that’s what the dinosaurs thought, too.
There’s also the fact that Zhirinovsky claims John Kerry tried to get a hold of the Foreign Minister, but simply couldn’t.
There are not a lot of details given here, but it seems equally implausible that a US Secretary of State would only alert another country— Russia, no less— about impending weapons tests over their area and upon failing to reach the person via telephone, just give up.
I’m no politician, but I have to imagine that there’s a little more planning which takes place in these sorts of situations.
He’s obviously very wrong, but sometimes it’s fun to laugh at just how wrong someone is.