May 9, 2013
Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles (Seriously)
Um…. cowabunga dude?
I’m sure you’re familiar with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles right? Let me refresh your memory a bit. Remember when you used to wear underwear covered with those four freakishly talented mutated turtles that knew karate? Okay, it was ninjitsu, but remember that cartoon show with those same turtles that you woke up every Saturday morning with your freshly prepared bowl of Fruit-Loops to watch?
Glad to see we are all on the same page here.
Do you remember having your fresh bowl of cereal in hand and wishing that these heroes were really around, raising shell with all of the late night crooks and bad guys? Don’t get all embarrassed, the children of the generation after you wished for real life Pokémon (can you imagine that disaster?).
Yeah… back to that real life ninja turtles idea; it’s not really what you had in mind as a child.
The team over at Animation Domination High Definition (which is a group of animators headed by the major corporation FOX) have decided to take it upon themselves to investigate what would really happen if a certain group of turtles (that were teenagers) mutated into human-sized ninja fighters.
Well, they did a little research and their results where shocking, disgusting and appalling. As you would imagine, the team did what any group of people who just discovered terrible information would do in this situation… they made an opening sequence montage with it.
Not only did they do an opening sequence montage with it, they also remixed the Ninja Turtles theme song (aka the theme song to your childhood) and filled it with little fun facts that they thought you should know. All of these facts add up to show you why mutating innocent turtles into ninjas is a terrible idea and should never be attempted (we are looking at you, scientists!).
But, why wouldn’t they work?
They kicked so much butt in the cartoon show isn’t it only logical that this would work out?
Hmmm, according to the montage, which by the way is titled Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles, the turtles wouldn’t have any mutated ears so they would be deaf as they normally are (so scream all you want, it won’t help… not even a bit).
Oh yeah, and cowabunga would no longer be in their vocabulary. As a matter of fact, there wouldn’t be any words in their vocabulary and do you know why? Because these turtles can’t talk, mutated or not.
I know what you’re thinking, what about Master Splinter? Yep, they didn’t forget about him either and it’s not pretty.
Go ahead and see all of the shenanigans below; it’ll be worth your while and is even educational, but don’t go home crying because your childhood dreams are broken (if Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in Time didn’t already do it for you).
It’s tough luck pal, we can’t win them all; but you can sure laugh out all the pain.
Here’s something that’ll cheer you up; there’s a kissing scene!
Go ahead, watch it.
Image Credit: New Line Cinemas / Viacom