January 19, 2013

Subway 12” Subs Really Only 11”

Size matters guys. Don’t let anyone tell you different. I don’t care if it’s the news, your girlfriend or even if it is Subway.

Wait, what? Yeah, that company that sponsors all of your favorite athletes with the luxury of having no more grocery shopping.

Yep, you heard me buddy. Whenever they try to tell you how long it is, it is now your obligation and mission to whip it out, roll the plastic off of it (sometimes it’s ready before it gets put in the plastic) and grab your handy dandy measuring tape and shove it in their face. After that you give ‘em your best smirk filled with pride and walk off doing the Kanye shrug.

What am I talking about? You already know what I’m talking about. Don’t be silly and think for a second that this isn’t the thing that people like longer, the thing that now both men and women alike have no shame in admitting they crave and most women are even willing to put it in their mouths.

I’m talking about the famous foot-long sub sandwiches from the fast food chain. I knew you knew what I was talking about.

Also, as a citizen of the world and consumer of fast food I would like to give a special pat on the back to Australian Matt Corby for calling the chain on their shenanigans. Just a few days ago he posted a picture onto the wall of Subway’s Facebook page with a description that reads “subway pls respond.” The picture itself was of his favorite foot-long sub sandwich with a measuring tape on top but there was a crucial missing piece. What was missing was an inch of the sub evident by the sub only measuring up to eleven inches.

The image went on a viral killing spree as one would imagine, garnering over 100,000 likes and leading other shenanigan callers to measure their sandwiches only to find out the sad fact that their wholesome sub fell short as well.

Subway has stayed mum on the situation as of now but many internet outlets are suggesting that the subs may be packaged at a whopping twelve inches but may shrink when toasted. On that note is where I call shenanigans.

I understand that this may occur when an adult oven meets an adult loaf of bread and loves it so much the bread comes out…err…a little battle scared but, that doesn’t change the fact that this is still false advertisement. They should’ve taken account of this since the fast food giant specializes in making subs and they should know the ins and outs of their product. All in all, they should’ve factored shrinkage in and that’s even if the subs come in twelve inches pre-toasted anyway.

I mean they never said that they had factory standard regulated sizes, right?

This sort of thing could lead to a lot of lawsuits or they could throw their best lawyers in the mix and just put up disclaimers for now on saying “hey you, yea you! Please be aware if you toast your sub it may shrink, have a good day!”

But let’s not be too hard on Subway, I mean look at all this embarrassment. Their faces are probably red and they need a chance to recuperate.

Let this be a lesson to all of you out there. Don’t go out in the world advertising how big it is because once the poop hits the fan the metric system might just make a liar out of you.

Oh, and I guess you can learn another lesson in this whole fiasco. Always make room for shrinkage in cold or even in hot weather, because well… you never know.

Have a good day fine citizens.

Image Credit: Matt Corby (via Facebook)

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