March 30, 2013
I do not know if any of you watch The Walking Dead, but I finished it yesterday and I cannot wait till season three comes out. I watched it every day because I was so hooked. I think it is supposed to come out soon, it needs to hurry and get on Netflix (I hate commercials). If you like zombies, then you will really like this show.
Hey! Everyone, I am really sorry I have not been writing to you all. I have been quite busy this last week, then I got really sick; but I am getting better thanks to shots and medicines.
So, I am sure some of you are wandering how I have been. Well, I went 155 days of no cutting, but relapsed and cut myself three times. I am not proud of myself that I cut, but for someone who has not cut in almost six months and only cut three times, and they were like scratches, I think I did well. I also have not cut since then.
Sometimes I question myself; actually, I question myself every day. Will I ever be good enough, can I do anything right? I still feel like a failure with how college went; broken relationships, failing friendships; everything tumbling down a cliff then it all fell off and crashed. I am afraid I will fail again; I can feel it happening.
On top of feeling like a failure, I became everyone’s worse enemy. I have been fighting with the family, my boyfriend, and myself. It never fails, I hear a threat about getting kicked out of the house because I do not have a real job or not doing a good enough job in the house, or find out that I am just another bitch. I cannot do anything right, ever.
I know I am not perfect, no one is; but it I wish I was at least perfect in my eyes. I know I definitely need to work on my trust issues and stuff. The other areas are not worth listing because it is just appearances.
But I know I have to stay strong and remember that I can do it. I will pass my classes; find a good job, and maybe one day open up that boutique of mine. I want to encourage all of you to focus on goals you want to accomplish and keep positive no matter how hard things may seem. Write words of encouragement on your mirror, print out quotes and put them in your locker or on your walls in your bedroom; do something. I believe in you, just give it a try. Maybe if you keep a journal to keep your thoughts together, you could write something good down, whether it is about yourself or something you want to do (make it colorful and bold). I want you to see it and feel good when your read it.
Stay Strong <3
I know you can do it.
Image Credit: Chepko Danil Vitalevich / Shutterstock