December 9, 2012

Top 5 Best Uses For Solar Energy

You know you’ve already contemplated the uses of natural gas and other renewable resources, so why not use the most abundant of energy methods to power these 5 every day activities in your lives?!

Because I am generally accepting of the fact that most people don’t think as outlandishly as I do, I won’t berate anyone on shame. Well, not shame alone, at least. I personally choose to always have my mind thinking as outside and on the edges of the box – maybe on the lid even – as often as humanly possible. Do you think the men in the white coats would mind my motives? Because, if they did, we got a revolution coming in the near future.

A revolution that should foresee the advancement of hovering cars and dancing unicorns in their full and extremely awkward glory. These hovering cars will run on mere sunshine and farts, and harbor enough show tunes in their music playback systems to carry me on into the sunset with endless hours of Jersey Boys and 80’s music.

You got a problem with my future?


Because I think it’s strange.

And speaking of strange, let’s get into my desired list of really awesome devices/processes that will surely have you wishing giant solar panels were built in your very backyard!!

5) World’s most efficient toaster

I’ve had this one in my head since I was twelve years old. And amongst the endless episodes of Static Shock and Pokemon, I imagined that every modern American would definitely want a solar-powered toaster in their kitchen. You think using solar power for mere household and kitchen appliances is far-fetched? This guy makes tortillas out of solar panels in his village. Still think I’m crazy?

Bite me.

4) A very nifty smart phone

Smart phones ain’t as smart as you might think. If they were, then auto correct wouldn’t even be an issue: THEY WOULD READ OUR MINDS. Then who’s counting on Siri, huh? Ya know, she doesn’t really solve your emotional problems? Which pretty much makes her a very sarcastic robot that likes to mock you. Is this where we want to stop our technology advancement? Sarcastic robots?

I will not halt my imagination to such travesties in comedic tones, and neither should you. My idea of a solar-powered smart phone would have a rocket launcher built onto the screen. I still haven’t figured out exactly how that would go down at the airport.

Knock on wood?

3) The best solar-powered PC

Oh come on, you can’t tell me that a solar-powered PC isn’t the next best thing since sliced bread! No, maybe since cinnamon-covered sliced bread? If you’re that stubborn, then maybe modern computer technology shouldn’t be your hobby or enthusiasm. I, on the other hand, am quite thrilled at the idea of a PC powered by solar energy. It brings new definition to the prospect of “Energy Star”, not to mention Apple would be all over that like drunk women on an 80’s dance song.

Don’t tell me how to dream.

2 )World’s most badass car

Because smart cars suck. That’s it. They just do. I understand energy perseverance and taking leaps into going green is an important factor for saving our planet. But come on, they make it seem like sacrificing style was absolutely crucial in the process of manufacturing a Prius.

My ideal future solar-powered car would be a mix between Batman’s anorexic automobile and Paul McCartney’s 70’s Volkswagen bus.

It can work.

Don’t tell me how to dream.

1) The best damn theatrical performance solar energy can generate

Why? Because like other people in my generation, I was greatly unimpressed by the merits of Shakespeare and Edward Albee. And I think that solar-generated stage panels could create wonderful 3-d holographic models of awesome robotic ninja poets.

The best kind of poets that exist.

Image Credit: Leo Blanchette / Shutterstock

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