December 2, 2012
Top Five Worst Comic Book Movies
I recently posted the Top Five Comic Book Movies, but there are many atrocious comic book movies out there that have disappointed us; so let’s look at the most horrendous ones. This list is filled with so many appalling movies that The Phantom and Barb Wire didn’t even make the cut. If you missed any of these do you yourself a favor, believe my review and spare yourself.
5. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
If the creators of this movie were in the third grade at the time they made it, I still wouldn’t be impressed. The fourth installment of this franchise makes Superman III look like the Godfather. I wasn’t a fan of this movie when I was a kid when it came out, and I could barely stomach revisiting it. The only thing that made it bearable was the whiskey I was drinking during the movie. Here’s a fun drinking game, every time something stupid happens during this movie, take a shot; you will be asleep within the first ten minutes. For the love of Jor-El, the villain is named Nuclear Man and he is actually solar powered, so that insipid name makes no sense.
4. Ghost Rider (2007)
This movie is so terrible that I actually turned it off during the last ten minutes, although I should have done this during the first ten seconds. Normally one would think that a flaming skeleton riding around on a motorcycle, who hangs out with hot chicks, and casts souls to hell would be cool. Well not if the skeleton is played by Nicolas Cage and not if that hot chick is Eva Mendes; who wouldn’t know acting skills if it fell from the sky, landed on her face, and started to wiggle. It’s been a very long time since I’ve enjoyed anything Nicolas Cage has done. So long, in fact, that I can’t remember the last movie he was in that I actually enjoyed. To put the cherry on this sundae of atrocity, the movie is directed by Marc Steven Johnson. You may remember his name from such phenomenally dreadful movies like Daredevil; but that was far better than this massacre.
3. The Spirit
The only thing this movie accomplishes is answering the question, can Frank Miller direct? No. The cinematography in this film is out of control, to the point that it’s hard to decipher exactly what is happening at times. And once again we are graced with the presence of Eva Mendes, at least she’s hot I suppose.
2. Batman & Robin
Everything about this movie is bad, everything. Between the neon sets and the horrific costumes I feel like I’m watching some sort of high school stage presentation of Batman, except that may be better than this movie. I wasn’t dumb enough to revisit this movie since I originally saw it 15 years ago, and I’m still confident in ranking this number two. Four items are burned in my memory that I will have to live with forever.
1. Batman reveals a Batcard (credit card) and states, “I never leave home without it.”
2. Schwarzenegger saying so many “cold” puns it was unbearable.
3. Robin saying, “Holey rusted metal Batman…this metal, it’s holey and rusted.”
4. Robin having nipples on his costume, really?
1. Captain America (1990)
Now I know many of you will argue that Batman and Robin should be number one on this list, and I would agree with you if it wasn’t for one thing; at least Batman and Robin manage to keep boom mics out of the scenes. That’s right, in this movie there are several scenes where boom mics are in the shot. Between the boom mics, the shield obviously being made of flimsy plastic, horrific acting, and two scenes where Captain America pretends to be sick so he can steal a car; this is the worst comic book movie of all time. Captain America (1990) will have you pursuing truth, justice, and the remote control to turn off the movie.
Featured Image Credit: Pavel Ignatov / Shutterstock