Unsurprisingly, The Blobfish Wins World’s Ugliest Animal
September 16, 2013

Unsurprisingly, The Blobfish Wins World’s Ugliest Animal

The blobfish is so ugly, you won’t believe it’s real.

It’s so ugly, spellcheck refuses to recognize it and picks “blowfish” instead.

The blobfish is SO ugly it’s been officially recognized as the mascot for the Ugly Animal Preservation Society.

That’s right, it’s so ugly it’s just been named the ugliest animal in the world.

Perhaps it’s that pale shade of pink that makes it so unfortunate looking or, perhaps, it’s the drooping frowny face that makes it look so hideous. One thing’s for sure, its giant proboscis and slimy skin aren’t helping a damn thing. What’s worse, this truly ghastly creature is endangered and apparently, few people in the world feel it’s worth saving.

I mean, just look at the thing. It is slap-your-momma ugly.

The Ugly Animal Preservation Society, however, is willing to suppress their gag reflex, look this ugly mug through somewhat squinted eyes, and champion the cause of deformed and disfigured animals everywhere.


Because no one else will do it and animals like the blobfish or the testicle frog or the pig nose turtle are endangered and dying.

Earlier this year, one professor Hugh Possingham with the National Environmental Research Program´s Environmental Decisions Hub and The University of Queensland published a report wherein he claimed the conservation world is kind of like a Janis Ian song. Though benevolent humans donate money to preserve these animals out of the goodness of their hearts (which, anatomically speaking, aren’t really all that good looking either) the majority of this money is spent on a small percentage of endangered creatures.

I’m sorry, did I say “majority?”

I should have said “overwhelming, sweeping majority.”

Of the 20,000 endangered mammals scraping by on planet Earth, only 80 of them are receiving the bulk of this donated cash.

Possingham dubbed these creatures, which include Pandas, Red Foxes, Rhinos and the like, as “celebrity species,” noting that they simply work better in marketing pitches.

It’s probably true. When you see those sad videos of panda bears slowly chewing through eucalyptus leaves you can swear you see a single tear rolling across their fur.

“I’m just so huuuuuungry,” says the panda’s expression and suddenly you’ve thrown your wallet and its contents at the television screen in urgent desperation.

Not that it’s ever happened to me.

Were we to see a blobfish or a testicle frog, we’d probably shudder in horror or vomit a little in our mouths.

To elect the official mascot for the Ugly Animal Preservation Society, members and sponsors created campaign videos wherein they spoke on behalf of their chosen disgusting creature. The video with the most “likes” won the election and thereby shone some light into the blobfish’s dark and shameful life.

I assume.

English Comedian Paul Foot campaigned for the blobfish and in his acceptance video said; “On behalf of all the blobfish, thank you for this award. Thank you it means a great deal to me. Now, stay away from me and my family.”

Long live the blobfish, the most gut-wrenching creature to ever swim the seven seas or wherever.

Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

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