Weird Sex Laws Across The Nation
April 30, 2014

Weird Sex Laws Across The Nation

Most states have some pretty weird laws. Some of these include things like not spitting, not walking backwards while eating a hamburger, and other weird things like that. Moreover, every state has some weird, antiquated laws about everybody’s favorite past time: sex.

Recently, the Huffington Post published an article identifying some of the funnier, weirder sex laws around the good old U.S. For instance, in my home state of Oklahoma, in Clinton, Oklahoma, specifically, it is illegal to masturbate while watching two people have sex in a car. Um, gross and gross. Some of these seem absolutely ridiculous; while others are so weird that it makes you wonder why they exist.

To start this off, in Massachusetts, having sex with a rodeo clown in the presence of horses is illegal. That’s right. If you have a fetish with clowns and rodeos, then make sure no horses are around to witness such affections when you are in Massachusetts. I guess it is reasonable. Oh no, wait; it is just weird.

As if that was not weird, then check this out; for anyone in Colorado, kissing a sleeping woman is absolutely prohibited. So don’t wake your girlfriends with a sweet kiss in the morning because you just might have to deal with the law. I guess Prince Charming is screwed – or not – in Colorado.

Alabama’s weird sex law really prohibits wooing in toto in that a man cannot seduce a woman through temptation, deception, arts, flattery, or a promise of marriage. Well, a man cannot seduce a “chaste” woman in any of these ways. I guess that leaves courtship up to, well, luck. Or perhaps chastity no longer exists?

Taking that a step further, in Ottumwa, Iowa, you cannot wink at a pretty lady with whom you are “unacquainted.” I guess only friends, family, and lovers can wink at each other. And what’s with the pretty lady slap? Does that mean that those of us who are, well, average at best can be winked at all willy-nilly?

Then there are the laws about adultery. For instance, in Arkansas if you are caught committing adultery, you can receive a fine of $20-$100. In California, the fine is $1000, which hurts more. So much for the pain and disgrace of the scarlet letter of yore, eh?

Oh, and get this one: in Indiana, it is illegal to have a mustache if the person “has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans,” which means friends, family, and lovers. The kicker? It is just mustaches. Soul patches and goatees are just fine.

Another totally funny sex law comes from Alexandria, Minnesota, where if a man’s breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines, it is against the law for him to have sex with his wife. So, basically, men have to brush their teeth before intercourse. I guess that means that vampires can get it on in Alexandria without any worries!

Then we move to the more Wild West kind of sex laws. For instance, in Wisconsin, “a man may not fire a gun while his partner is having an orgasm.” Seems pretty reasonable, I’d say. But what do I know?

And apparently, no one has sex in Washington State because it is illegal to have sex with a virgin…even on the wedding night. I wonder how they explain pregnancy?

Finally, we move to the last three: Hawaii, Kentucky, and another from Iowa. In Hawaii, it is illegal to wear only swim trunks in public. I mean, it’s basically one big beach, right? How do they enforce this?

However, Kentucky takes this one step further with its law, which claims “a lady may not wear a bathing suit on a highway.” Oh, but wait, she can if (1) she is escorted by at least (yep, at least) two police officers, and (2) she is armed with a club.

Finally, in Ames, Iowa, if a husband is lying in bed with his wife, it is illegal for him to take more than three gulps of beer.

This is just the beginning of the weird sex laws of the land. To see more, check out this website.

Image Credit: Thinkstock

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Rayshell E. Clapper is an Associate Professor of English at a rural college in Oklahoma where she teaches Creative Writing, Literature, and Composition classes. She has presented her original fiction and non-fiction at several conferences and events including: Scissortail Creative Writing Festival, Howlers and Yawpers Creativity Symposium, Southwest/Texas Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association Regional Conference, and Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association National Conference. Her publications include Cybersoleil Journal, Sugar Mule Literary Magazine, Red Dirt Anthology, Originals, and Oklahoma English Journal. Beyond her written works, she successfully created a writer's group in rural Oklahoma to support burgeoning writers. The written word is her passion, and all she experiences inspires that passion. She hopes to help inspire others through her words.

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